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What was the worst movie you’ve ever seen?
Laugh Central, with the worst movies ever made. Now, before we start, let me lay down the criteria for a movie to make this list.
1. It can’t be one of those so-bad-it’s-good movies that are truly awful, but are still worth watching for comic purposes. Movies like Top Gun, Point Break, Weekend at Bernie’s or Showgirls need not apply. I’m talking movies that are so gratingly bad, that you want to jab your own eyes out, but only after you’ve raped and murdered the entire cast and crew of this dreck.
2. This is only a list based on movies that I’ve seen so please don’t email me with "You forgot this movie…".
3. A lot of the movies on this list are movies that people really like, which proves my point. Most people are idiots.
Without further ado, Here it goes. *drumroll*
Belly
The worst of the worst. That rare movie that combines ghetto stupidity with filmmaking of the very worst order. I hate this movie with an absolute Passion of the Christ, not least because my friends in junior high all wanted desperately to be black and forced me to watch this garbage. Hype Williams (the Spielberg of BET) directed this garbage starring Nas and DMX. DMX has a pretty decent film career, and is a good actor. Nas is to acting what Derek Jeter is to heterosexuality. He burns up the screen with one of the worst performances ever. Forever ever? Forever ever ever. Yes, I hate you now, and you can’t be what you wanna be. Sorry, I’m not above a pun or six. I’d like to tell you what the movie’s about. But I honestly have no idea. The movie jumps around from plot point to plot point like a Special Olympics hurdler. Something about heroin you don’t have to inject and lots of blacklights and shit. Somehow, T-Boz, the less talented of the still-living TLC, is involved. The soundtrack is even worse, with a shitload of B-sides from normally decent rappers who must have tried some of that heroin before they hit the recording studio.
Worst Part: Nas spending the last half hour pontificating about how badly he wants to go to Africa. I’d like to watch this movie with a Klansman just to get his reaction.
What one thing are you exceptionally bad at?
many things, one of which is walking without tripping and falling on my face and getting a hint of a tan
